Coffee Break

.. b l a h ..

today’s song is all can think about. Coffee Break by Forever the Sickest Kids

so i’ve kind of been depressed lately. and the only reason why (that i can come up with) is accepting the fact that not all of my dreams are gonna come true. i’ll keep writing my stories and practicing my music, but until have a steady income or a for sure opportunity to make my dreams a reality, i have to suck it up and be just another work-a-day-jane. which is pretty much an all time low for me, to be honest. come next year i’m going to need a full time job with benefits or a second part time job for extra cash because i won’t be covered under my parents’ health insurance anymore. then after i get my car i’ll need even more money for drivers insurance and then my phone bill. growing up truly sucks. in my opinion the cons outweigh the pros and i just want to stop time. no, i want to rewind time. go back to when money was just that green paper i saw in my parents’ wallet. back to when responsibility wasn’t even a word i knew. back to when nothing could hold me back or bring me down. don’t mean to ruin anyone’s good mood, but i really just hate growing up and it’s all i can think about anymore. i hate it even more than most because i’m so stubborn that i hate give up. i hate to give up and i hate to be just like everyone else. it just sucks so bad that it’s so normal to let go of your dreams and settle for a job you hate just because you need the money. it’s not even a choice anymore. you just do what you have to to make ends meet. you lose time to do what you love and there’s just no way around it in most situations…like mine.

*disclaimer! while i love this song, my mother does NOT hate my guts. just kinda ignore the second verse, i do lol*

i’m two cups into my coffee break
i’m sitting alone in the cafe front way
reading all by myself
i’m turning my cell off just to breathe
cause everyone i know keeps calling me and i
just need a little time

cause i’m over-committing myself
i guess this is growing up
i’m sleeping so little these days
i guess this is growing up
i’ve a feeling things are ’bout to change
i guess this growing up
yeah i’m growing up

and my mom hates my guts
she has a reason to
from all the things i do
and it breaks me just to know
that i have torn her apart so many times
so many times cause

i’ve over-committed myself
i guess this is growing up
i’m sleeping so little these days
i guess this is growing up
i’m feeling things are ’bout to change
i’m guessing this is growing up oh
i’m guessing this is growing up

now i’m done with my coffee break
turn on my phone now that i’ve grown up

Miracle

having knee surgery in 3 days, wednesday to be exact. not really looking forward to the surgery part as much as the being able to stop the freaking pain. i’m also not looking forward to missing 5 days of work. i really need the money right now so that sucks. for those of you who don’t know, i have a torn meniscus. no i don’t know how i tore it, but either way i’m gonna need to get it fixed sooo…yeah. i’m still thinking i’m gonna need to get a second part time job. gotta pay the new bills that are coming next year=not cool. gonna practice guitar a lot during the recovery since i’m probably not gonna be able to do much that has to do with walking. why not get it all down so i can make better music and write? (and play some sims because i’ve become hopelessly addicted lol)

today’s song is Miracle by Paramore

i keep making all these plans. i keep sinking into that desperation where everything in you is crying out for a change. a change of pace. a change of scenery. just something bigger than yourself that turns your world upside down but in a good way. if i could count all the times i’ve written in my journal “it all starts tomorrow, i’m starting over” i’d be sick of counting. i keep saying i will and then i just get lazy or something happens and i put it off. i can’t keep doing that anymore. i have to make a change. i have to make my life better so i can be happy again. i don’t know exactly how i’m going to do that but i’ll let you know when i find out. anywho, the song is kind of about what i’m saying. people wanting change and almost giving up. giving up on waiting for the one thing that will turn everything around for the better. or just pretending that things are good the way they are. my favorite line is “it’s not faith if, if you use your eyes” because that’s so true. i love it. paramore will always be one of my all-time favorite bands and i’m planning on covering some of their songs here soon ;)

i’ve gone for too long
living like i’m not alive
so i’m gonna start over tonight
beginning with you and i
when this memory fades
i’m gonna make sure it’s replaced
with chances taken
hope embraced
and have i told you

i’m not going
cause i’ve been waiting for a miracle
and i’m not leaving
i won’t let you
let you give up on a miracle
when it might save you

we’ve learned to run from
anything uncomfortable
we tie our pain below
so no one ever has to know
that inside we’re broken
i try to patch things up again
to count my tears
and kill my fears
and have i told you have i?

i’m not going
cause i’ve been waiting for a miracle
and i’m not leaving
i won’t let you
let you give up on a miracle
when it might save you

it’s not faith if
if you use your eyes
oh why
we’ll get it right this time
let’s leave this all behind
oh why
it’s not faith if
if you use your eyes
oh why

i’ve gone for too long
living like i’m not alive
so i’m gonna start over tonight
beginning with you and
i don’t want
to run from
anything uncomfortable
i just want, no
i just need this pain to end right here

i’m not going
cause i’ve been waiting for a miracle
and i’m not leaving
i won’t let you
let you give up on a miracle
when it might save you

it’s not faith if
if you use your eyes
if you use your eyes
if you use your eyes

Beautiful Love

.. w o r k i n g  h a r d  f o r  t h e  m o n e y ..

i think things are finally starting to turn around. i was out of whack for a while there and it was very disconcerting. but i’m starting to feel like myself again which is always a good sign. i still feel like i need a change though. i might be getting a second job here soon. i need a car so bad i could scream. and by then i’ll have to pay for the insurance and possible future car issues. fun stuff right? man i hate growing up.

today’s song is Beautiful Love by The Afters

i heard this first on Fuse, big surprise right? the weird thing was it was a music video of clips from some MTV reality show. i can’t remember the name cause i was more focused on the music. anywho, the lyrics are great. i love how humble, and honest they are. it’s one of my favorite love songs and has a pretty good repeat record on my ipod. it’s also just an all around great band. give them a try when you get the chance.

far away
i hear your beating heart
all alone
beneath the crystal stars
staring into space
what a lonely face
i’ll try to find my place
with you

what a beautiful smile
can it stay for a while?
on this beautiful night
and make everything right
my beautiful love
beautiful love

larger than
the moon my love for you
worlds collide
as heaven pulls us through
the secret of the world
is written in the stars
i’m carrying your heart
in mine

what a beautiful smile
can it stay for a while?
on this beautiful night
and make everything right
my beautiful love

maybe a greater thing will happen
maybe all will see
maybe our love will catch like fire
as it burns through me
maybe a greater thing will happen
maybe all will see
maybe our love will catch like fire
as it burns through me
maybe a greater thing will happen
maybe all will see
maybe our love will catch like fire
as it burns through me

what a beautiful smile
can it stay for a while?
on this beautiful night
and make everything right
what a beautiful smile
can it stay for a while?
on this beautiful night
and make everything right
my beautiful la la la la la la
la la la la la
my beautiful la la la la la la
la la la la la
my beautiful love

Torn

. .  g e t t i n g  t h e r e  . .

today was better. but for some reason i couldn’t keep my eyes open for longer than 11:20 to 4. i got home and i couldn’t stay awake a minute longer. i hate being in this slump. it’s killing me. i need to get back on top of my game. i was doing so good and then i just got lazy. i’m really disappointed in myself, honestly. i thought i had it. i thought i could take a little break. WRONG. now this week is all about (a) getting some extra hours at work to get my savings account stable again (b) getting back into my routines (c) getting responsibilities in order and (d) unpacking all my boxes so i don’t have to worry about them anymore. lets hope i can get it all done

today’s song is Torn by Natalie Imbruglia

weird last name, huh? sadly she was a one hit wonder who i’m pretty sure has never been heard from again. pretty much every late 90’s/early 2000’s tv drama used this tune at some point or another. its basically about not knowing what to do when someone you love turns out not to be who you thought they were. you want to stay with them because you have a history and you love them. but you know that the relationship is no good for you emotionally because you both have changed as people and you’re not making each other happy anymore. it’s a hard place to be in. i hate hearing these types of stories from friends because there’s really no right answer. either way someone gets hurt and that kind of change is never easy. it’s a great song that i plan on covering here soon. it’ll be awesome!

i thought i saw a man
come to life
he was warm
he came around
and he was dignified
he showed me what it was to cry
well you couldn’t be that man i adored
don’t seem to know
seem to care
what your heart is for
i don’t know you anymore

there’s nothing where he used to lie
this conversation has run dry
that’s what’s going on
nothing’s right i’m torn

i’m all out of faith
this is how i feel
i’m cold and i am ashamed
lying naked on the floor
illusion never changed
into something real
i’m wide awake and i can see the perfect sky is torn
you’re a little late
i’m already torn

so i guess the fortune teller’s right
should’ve seen just what was there
and not some holy light
it crawled beneath my veins and now

i don’t care
i have no luck
i don’t miss it all that much
there’s just so many things
that i can’t touch i’m torn

i’m all out of faith
this is how i feel
i’m cold and i am ashamed
lying naked on the floor
illusion never changed
into something real
i’m wide awake and i can see the perfect sky is torn
you’re a little late
i’m already torn

there’s nothing where we used to lie
my inspiration has run dry
that’s what’s going on
nothing’s right i’m torn

i’m all out of faith
this is how i feel
i’m cold and i am ashamed
lying naked on the floor
illusion never changed
into something real
i’m wide awake and i can see the perfect sky is torn
i’m all out of faith
this is how i feel
i’m cold and i am ashamed
bound and broken on the floor
your a little late i’m already torn

Here In Your Arms

g o t t a  g e t  t h i n g s  i n  l i n e  a g a i n

so i’ve let a lot of things, good things slip through my fingers because i’m not taking enough time to dedicate focus to them. it all gets overwhelming and i just kind of watch it all slide away instead of running after what i know is good for me. so now it’s time for revitalization and redemption. i know what i want. i know how to get what i want. i just have to leave the lazy coward of my old self behind. it all starts tomorrow.

today’s song was inspired by my friend Ashley cause she reminded me of a goodie i haven’t heard in forever. Here In Your Arms by Hellogoodbye

when it first came out, it was kind of overplayed on Fuse so i was a little turned off whenever i heard the first few bars of the song. now it’s something i love to listen to over and over because it’s probably one of the cutest, simplest love songs ever. it’s plain and out there. no questions. no puzzling metaphors. it just speaks for itself. the video is also pretty adorable too. there’s a lot of mackin tho so you youngins be warned!

i like
where we are
when we drive
in your car
i like
where we are
here

our lips
can touch
our cheeks
can brush
our lips
can touch
here

cause you are the one
the one who lies close to me
whispers “hello i miss you quite suddenly”
i fell in love
in love with you suddenly
now there’s no place else
i could be but here in your arms

i like
where you sleep
when you sleep
next to me
i like
where you sleep
here

our lips
can touch
our cheeks
can brush
our lips
can touch
her

cause you are the one
the one who lies close to me
whispers “hello i miss you quite suddenly”
i fell in love
in love with you suddenly
and there’s no place else
i could be but here in your arms

Take A Picture

c a n ‘ t  g e t  o u t  o f  t h i s  f u n k

so glad i have tomorrow off. now i can get stuff done since i don’t have to spend energy or patience at work. getting an MRI tomorrow on my knee to see exactly what’s going on in there. i’m pretty sure it’s nothing serious since i can still walk relatively easy. just hoping whatever it is can be fixed without surgery. this month hasn’t gone the way i thought it would. which kinda sucks but i’m rolling with the punches for now. things will turn up eventually. just gotta get to feeling better and focusing on the positives.

today’s song is Take A Picture by Filter

this song title and artist evaded me for years. i listened to this radio station in AZ called The Mix 969 and they usually have a pretty repetitive collection of “the eighties nineties and today” but every once in a while there’s a couple of songs they rarely ever play so it drove me nuts because the rare tunes always became my favorite. this was one of them. i love the music. it’s so simple, it’s so relaxing. it’s about needing a picture to remember times in life. bad times, good times, just regular times. any time. then it kind of randomly turns in to a “look at me now” dedication to his dad who apparently didn’t approve of his son’s career choice. either way, it’s a great song that doesn’t get played enough. give it a listen when you get the chance

awake on my airplane
awake on my airplane
my skin is bare
my skin is theirs
awake on my airplane
awake on my airplane
my skin is bare
my skin is theirs
i feel like a new born
i feel like a new born
awake on my airplane
awake on my airplane
i feel so real

could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
yeah

i don’t believe it
i don’t believe in
your sanctity
your prophecy
i don’t believe it
i don’t believe in
sanctity
hypocrisy
could everyone agree that no one should be left alone?
could everyone agree that they should not be left alone?
i feel like a newborn
i feel like a newborn
kicking and screaming

could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
yeah

hey dad!
what do you think about your son now?!
hey dad!
what do you think about your son now?!

could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember
could you wanna take my picture?
cause i won’t remember

yeah

Your Eyes Open

i  l o v e  m y  a n i m a l s

i’m thinking of maybe trying to find a job working with animals, maybe at a groomers or a veterinarian’s office. it would be awesome to have job that i love to do every day. dogs and cats just make me smile, and they’re such a stress reliever. i would love to take care of them professionally. how bout this crap with david letterman? i don’t think he’s gonna be on tv much longer. he’s losing favor with previous fans with all these stupid stunts he’s been pulling. i can’t imagine how his son is being shielded from all this. i wonder what he’ll think when he’s old enough to understand what his daddy’s done. so sad. i can’t believe how low this scum could stoop. he has so much going for him and he’s just screwing it all up.

today’s song is Your Eyes Open by Keane

if there’s one thing i’ve learned this year (so far) it’s that even though i think i can get a pretty good read on people, no one is ever completely who i think they are. sometimes that’s a pleasant surprise, but most of the time it’s just an annoying disappointment. the kind of people who ignore something that’s right in front of their faces are the kind of people i try to stay away from, but every once in a while someone fools me and i try to be a friend while showing them exactly what they’re denying. unfortunately it’s ended a few friendships because i just can’t stay close with liars and fakes. that’s what this song is about. finding out that someone you trusted, isn’t who you thought they were and they’re denying their wrongs. it sucks, but it happens.

well it’s a lonely road that you have chosen
morning comes and you don’t want to know me anymore
it’s been a long time since your heart was broken
morning comes and you don’t want to know me anymore

for a moment
your eyes open and you know
all the things
i ever wanted you to know
i don’t know you
and i don’t want to
till the moment your eyes open
and you know

that it’s a lonely place that you have run to
morning comes and you don’t want to know me anymore
and it’s a lonely end that you have chosen
morning comes and you don’t want to know me anymore

for a moment
your eyes open and you know
all the things
i ever wanted you to know
i don’t know you
and i don’t want to
till the moment your eyes open
and you know

Stop It

j e t l a g  o v e r

arizona trip was…interesting. every time i go back though, it’s getting easier to leave for my real home. i still miss my family and friends and i loved getting to hang out with them, but arizona doesn’t belong to me anymore. it’s great to be back here with my second family and my daddy. but getting back into the groove of things at work hasn’t been the easiest. that’s gonna take a little time for adjusting. getting things together in my life before the year is over. getting the ball rolling.

today’s song is Stop It by The Almost

this is another band i’ve started listening to recently and i love them already. they’ve got a great sound mostly due to one of my favorite male vocalists ever, Aaron Gillespie from Underoath. their lyrics are great and if i listen to one of their songs in the morning it’s stuck in my head for the rest of the day. this is one of my favorites, it got me through the boring flights to arizona. it’s about the complication of relationships, what else?

It seems like every time we’re here I look right back at you
As your eyes perk up and you say boy don’t you come unglued
I’ll be so kind to bust it up on the floor
I’ll make a change so that you want me more (So that you want me more)

Is this really my idea?
I had no clue, that all of this was really happening
My thoughts remain lying on the floor
It’s not my fault I’m such an awful mess and more

Now we’re here at breakneck speeds oh just to make me feel
Less aware of all the times, the times I made you
It’s stronger than you really want it to
And make a face that said you know just what to do (You know just what to do)

Is this really my idea?
I had no clue, that all of this was really happening
My thoughts remain lying on the floor
It’s not my fault I’m such an awful mess and more

It’s true I failed
But your love covers me
It’s true I failed

Is this really my idea?
I had no clue, that all of this was really happening
My thoughts remain lying on the floor
It’s not my fault I’m such an awful mess and more

Is this really my idea? (Is this real?)
I had no clue, that all of this was really happening
My thoughts remain lying on the floor
It’s not my fault I’m such an awful mess and more

Hello It’s Me

s o  m a n y  c o n f i r m a t i o n s  l a t e l y
m a y b e  i  a m  d o i n g  s o m e t h i n g  r i g h t

today’s song is Hello It’s Me by Todd Rundgren

yeah yeah i’m too young blah blah blah screw age. i love this song and i don’t have to be born around the time a song comes out to appreciate it. it’s simple. it’s honest. it’s pretty much exactly how i’ve felt so many times in my life. age has no power over the amount of experiences a person lives through. and trust me i’ve lived through this type of experience way too many times. you just don’t really know where you stand with another person you care about because neither of you are wanting to fully commit to the other. so you dance the fine line of friendship and romance until you either grow up and confront your feelings or drive each other apart. anyway, this is the kind of song i would write which is probably why i like it so much.

Hello, it’s me
I’ve thought about us for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much but something’s wrong
There’s something here that doesn’t last too long
Maybe I shouldn’t think of you as mine

Seeing you
Or seeing anything as much as I do you
I take for granted that you’re always there
I take for granted that you just don’t care
Sometimes I can’t help seeing all the way through

It’s important to me
That you know you are free
‘Cause I never want to make you change for me

Think of me
You know that I’d be with you if I could
I’ll come around to see you once in a while
Or if I ever need a reason to smile
And spend the night if you think I should

It’s important to me
That you know you are free
‘Cause I never want to make you change for me

Think of me
You know that I’d be with you if I could
I’ll come around to see you once in a while
Or if I ever need a reason to smile
And spend the night if you think I should

Think of me…
Think of me…
Think of me

Satellite

almost over my cold. pushed through to go to work today, got an extra hour and got one of my tests taken. stayed home to keep resting so i can get even better faster. gonna get all my hardcore cleaning done tomorrow. it’ll be great.

today’s song is Satellite by Guster

this song’s about having that one person in your life that you always keep in the back of your mind. that one person that reminds you of where you belong, of how far you’ve come, of who you want to be. everyone has that person. the metaphor of that person being your satellite is perfect. you always know where they are and they remind you of where you are. i have one of those. i’m sure you can think of who your satellite is too. i love this band. give ‘em a listen when you get the chance

shining like a work of art
hanging on a wall of stars
are you what i think you are?

you’re my satellite
you’re riding with me tonight
passenger side
lighting the sky
always the first star that i find
you’re my satellite

elevator to the moon
whistling a favorite tune
trying to get a closer view

you’re my satellite
you’re riding with me tonight
passenger side
lighting the sky
always the first star that i find
you’re my satellite

maybe you will always be
just a little out of reach

you’re my satellite
you’re riding with me tonight
passenger side
lighting the sky
always the first star that i find
you’re my satellite
you’re my satellite